im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
