I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize