she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
