The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
