Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
