I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
