yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
