roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
