she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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