He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
