I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Soap is not a condiment
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
