i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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