Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
