It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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