I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
