I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM VODKA MAN
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize