Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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