why didn't you poke me back
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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