I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
