She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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