I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i already hear my dad disowning me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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