Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
