she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
