You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
