you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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