Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
