get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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