Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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