If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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