had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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