Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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