6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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