I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
