Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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