So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
