You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The air was thick with penises
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
