The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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