I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
