I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
