I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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