i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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