I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
