my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
