Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
