just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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