Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
