the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think i got beer on your cat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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