You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
