all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
