I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
