a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
