need another drink. this is the easiest way
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
