Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
