I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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