Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
