just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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