Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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