And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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