I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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