i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
