I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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