Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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