The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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