I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
